Dealing with random people’s opinions

I am sure that everyone on the planet has ether heard about or seen this one somehow and let me tell you that everyone I have ever talked to about this has an opinion on it. Some get very fired up about it as well. I have learned a few things from talking with friends about this particular subject of pregnancy and here is my best way or telling it simply.

Guys, protect your wife from the people who will want to touch her belly. Treat those people like they were trying to hurt your baby because there are fewer things that are more frustrating for a woman than getting a random persons opinion about how she ‘should be doing something’. As a man you know how frustrating it can be when someone walks up to you at work and tells you how to do a job that you have done however many times. That is what it is like for a woman when someone touches her stomach and gives opinions. It can be frustrating for them and a huge breach of personal space so protect her. That does not mean that you have to be rude but be firm none the less.

Ladies: So I am sure that you have seen or heard about this kind of thing happening before. If a kid does it, it is cute right? But if another woman does it, oh boy the gloves are off in a no holds barred match. After all she is touching you body, getting close to your baby and those are two big no no’s that for some reason people think are okay. Now the obvious exception is with close friends and close family but even then you still want them to ask right? So if you don't want this to happen it will take more than a look to try and tell him that you hate this, but even if you ask him to stop people from touching 'baby' he may not be sire as to how to do that tactfully so if you have any specific ideas in mind than toss those out for him to process. Guys sometimes need a bit more prompting than 'I want you to do ______". Ideas help with things like this.

Supporting spouse

This is one thing that I hope you are both doing long before the pregnancy comes along but just in case there are a few things that change when the actual pregnancy happens.

Guys: Okay so some of the things that women might start to freak out about during the pregnancy are her changing body, if she is going to be a good mother, if she is eating or doing something that might hurt the baby, and a lot of other things that will seem very pointless to even think about let alone think about enough to worry about. That’s alright, you need to take most of them seriously and if you ever want to apply the “you are being ridiculous” attitude, don’t. There are rare times when it will be a good idea to bring it up but those situations are really rare and will change per person so if you even think about saying anything of that nature tread as though you are about to walk across a basketball field that is covered in broken bottles without shoes and with a blindfold on. My best advice would be to ask her how you can help her and then follow through. Do what you need to so that she feels like the Queen of the castle.

Ladies: Believe it or not we men need some support to, though it will come in different ways. I can’t give you a for sure “this method will work” or even a “don’t do this” because supporting us men is a totally different ball game (and I have never really had to approach it from a woman’s perspective…hahaha I made a funny ;) but if you are not sure how you can help him out that is okay because chances are you are already doing it without meaning to. But even with that letting us know that you love us and that we are doing a good job helps a lot (though again that does not mean the same thing to different men).

Weepy times

Let me give you a scenario, you are sitting together, husband and wife and just talking or not doing anything and suddenly tears start falling out of (insert wife’s name) eyes and the crying begins for no apparent reason.

Guys: This can be one of the freakiest things that will happen, because it can happen in an instant and with little to no provocation. The only thing that I have found to be effective is to gather her up in your arms and let the crying happen. Now as to wither you should try and stop it with comfort or just let it pass is really a matter of choice by you and her (and what she would like, which is a good thing to find out before it happens by the way) but either way hold her and let her know how much you love her and you are not going anywhere.

Ladies: I want you to know that I understand that this is something that can be just as confusing for you as it can be for us guys. So the only thing I can think of to let you know is that if your guy panics or has no idea how to proceed, help him out. Be willing to talk to him even if it is to let him know that you just need him to sit next to you for a bit while you are experiencing this. So most of the time guys have this natural instinct to ‘fix the problem’; I am sure you have recognized that by now but if they try to say or do something that is the wrong way to help you please be patient with them. This is a steep learning curve for both of you and he is doing his best, but remember that he doesn't necessarily think about the pregnancy as much as you do.

Late Night Cravings

Most of us have heard of or seen in the movies when a couple is asleep and the husband is woken up at a crazy hour because the wife wants something like "watermelon" or some kind of random food. So the husband drags himself out of bed and goes to get something but when he gets back she is asleep or doesn't want what he got any more, or she is still craving even when she is done eating whatever he got. This is a very commercialized situation that has some truth to it. The difference being that the cravings do not always happen at three in the morning, and (at least in my situation) when my wife got to eat what she was craving she was satisfied...for a few days. But it came back, although it was for something else when it came back, though I am not going to lie I would have a little fun every now and then of reminding her of things that she had craved before. Though that usually backfired because then she wanted whatever it was that I mentioned that she had wanted before, so I felt bad and tried to go and get what she wanted.

Ladies when it is late and you ask “Hey would you please go get me _____.” The first thing that pops into a man’s head is “Oh man. *Sigh* No I don’t want to go and get that.” But the feeling is not that simple because we understand that we cannot understand what you are feeling or going through and so we are usually willing to go and get what you/baby wants. The exception is of course if we are in the middle of something important and need to get to a stopping point before we go to get what you/baby need.

Guys, when this happens (because I guarantee that it will happen at some point) don’t see this as a bad thing. Something unique about these cravings that not a lot of people realize, is that is when a pregnant woman (or any person for that manor) has a craving, it is because her body or the baby in her body needs something and the craving can usually fill the need. Getting the food then is not a bad thing but it is a way for you to help your wife continue creating the baby. That may sound like a fake thing for some of you guys but even if you don't think that is true remember; if nothing else making a baby is hard for her and it wears her out a lot and so during pregnancy taking care of her is your way of helping her, which helps baby and so in that way you are helping you son or daughter.

Breaking the news

  Okay, so a little story time to begin this adventure. I thought it prudent to start from the beginning and for me that started when my wife told me that she was pregnant.

  So a quick back story so you have some context. My wife and I were married in August, 2012 and we decided to try for a family a few months later. We had an unfortunate miscarriage that led to a lot of heartache and more than a few prayers, and teary nights holding one another because we both hurt so bad. We decided to keep trying and after trying and trying we finally got some good news.
   Let me set the stage for you. My wife and I were living with family and that in and of itself is hard (no offence Mom and Dad) but I left for work knowing that my wife was going to test for pregnancy. I kept expecting a text message all day with ether good news or more hard times but hours kept passing and we text-ed back and forth but no word about the test so I assumed the worst when I got home but she was not acting sad so we had dinner and my wife gave me a bag of gifts and brought out a cake that had blue and pink swirls. I had no idea why there was a cake and why everyone said it was for me. So I opened the gifts and found 'where the wild things are' and I pulled out a babies dress and a blue onsie. I kind of stared at them not really sure what I was supposed to think.
.....................................................................Why would they give me?.........................................................................................oh.
  It clicked and looked up at my wife and asked if we were having a baby and she jumped out of her chair and told me that we were!
  I sat in my chair and I think I said "Cool." while pulling a few baby nooks out of the bag and looking at everything on the table in front of me.
  Now this was not the reaction that my wife wanted from me, and I bet you are reading this wondering why I didn't even stand up and give my wife a hug. Honestly I have no idea.
  Great story right?
  I wanted to share that story because it wasn't till months after that I got to tell the story from my side that my wife understood that the fact that I had been worrying about her all day that I didn't have any energy that I could invest into being excited.
  Guys, if you get this bit of "GOOD NEWS" react that way. Be sincere and be excited it is a good idea to be happy about this. You have just created life at least smile. Know that she is going to need a lot of support and help for the rest of the babies life but if you hold tight and love baby and mommy they will trust and support you in ways you can't imagine.
  Women, if your guy doesn't jump out of his seat and wants to start baby shopping right away cut him some slack. This is a lot of news to take in and it can be overwhelming so give him a second to gather his thoughts. If you let him gather his thoughts and love the baby his way he will never ever let the two of you go.

About this Blog

Greetings and salutations friends.
  My name is Ben and I was originally asked to do this Blog as a class project but the more and more I thought about it the more I wanted to do this because of how fun it seemed and how I wish I had had something to go off of when I found out I was going to be a Dad. But this Blog is not just for men it is for women as well, I hope that I will help prepare men for a little of what it is like having a pregnant wife and for women so they understand a little about what goes on in the heads of men.
  I realize this blog will not be a one size fits all situation, so this does not mean that all men will feel the way I do. Nor does it mean that everything that is said will be an absolute; but the experiences that my wife and I are going through might help other couples and I hope will bring a smile to peoples faces while they read.
  I plan on blogging on very broad topics with the hope that it will help women understand some things and men prepare for some others. So ladies and Gentlemen welcome my world and the craziness and confusing fun that comes with it.